Movin' On: Helping Preschoolers When Friends Move Away

 NOTE: This post appeared previously on The Chicago Moms Blog in June 2010.

We just got word that our closest friends in Chicago are moving. Moving back East, moving away from here, moving away from us. I am so sad - of course I am - these friends are loyal and kind, and they understand the challenges of raising a young family far from the benefits of grandparents and extended family. I can't count the times that one of us has come to the other's aid, watching the kids when a husband was supposed to be home in time for an appointment or a meeting, or doing a weeknight dinner together when the husbands were both traveling. And what about all the fun we had? Adjusting to their departure is going to be major.

But enough about me.

I have no idea how to help my four year old son manage this process. He was 14 months old when we moved to Chicago, and the two girls in this family were his first friends. He goes to school with the younger sister, and I sort of think they believe they are related. Frequently I find them hugging and sharing some kind of secret - they spend more time together than they do with any other friends.
When I told my son these friends were moving, he just burst into tears. I think that he understands the concept because my husband and I know that his career will likely take us even further West, and we try to casually mention that we probably won't live in the same house forever. But the concepts of time and space are so challenging for our little concrete thinkers! When he started to cry, I was shocked. Well, and I started to cry, too - empathy tears: His pain was becoming my pain.

How do I help him cope with the loss of friends without dragging the process out forever? Should I just wait for issues to come up or should I preempt them with questions and conversation? As it is, my son kept coming up with ideas to get around the reality of the move. He insisted that he could stand on the roof of our house, grow wings, and fly to visit them whenever he wanted. Then he got real, and said we should make a special trip up from New York, where we vacation, to Boston to see them. Then he figured he could work in a little bonus for himself, suggesting that we meet them for a ball game at Fenway. So, he's still a four year old - that's encouraging!

He is, however, going to have to work through his feelings about all of this, and I am sure there will be times when it isn't pretty. That's okay. He''ll struggle with it, even if I'm not so sure how to help him figure it all out.



This is an original Chicago Moms Blog post. Thanks to Suat Eman for the photo, courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.