Teach Your Children Well: Reflections on Discipline

We have entered the dreaded "talking back" phase with the Talker. He is doing his "job" as an intelligent, headstrong 5 year old by pushing on our boundaries to see how far he can go.  This is all well when we are not in the "heat of the moment," attempting to guide him towards positive behaviors. In those hot moments, things can get ugly pretty quickly.  Add a new infant to the family and our general parental exhaustion, and you have a recipe for some seriously ineffective discipline.

I like to think that I am a patient person - but in these moments (or sometimes hours, or -gulp- days), I am humbled by my own lack of control over my own emotions.  Family teaches us so many positive lessons in life - but there are some doozies mixed in, too. My own father recently reminded me to avoid parenting from my emotions. In those "doozy moments," parenting with detachment is vital to retaining our sanity and self-control as adults. I don't think he equates detachment with passivity, however. Doling out consequences without shouting or losing control is the key.  And of course logical consequences is also key.

Recently, the Runner and the Talker resolved their own doozy in a unique way. We have been working on building the Talker's understanding of empathy and caring for others, starting with family members. When a disagreement between them began to heat up, the Runner regained parental control of the situation by engaging our son in an intellectual manner - which happens to be his preferred method of using his brain. Together, they wrote a prayer that focused on the Talker's development only. The prayer was typed and shared with me on the coveted iPad, complete with a Celtic Cross in the background. The Runner has promised to print and frame it so that the Talker can say the prayer each morning and each night as a reminder of the emotional and interpersonal skills he is working on. A constructive end to what began as a blood boiler.

Creative parenting, perhaps. This resolution took the focus away from the power struggle between the big dad and the small boy and changed it to a collaboration that allowed the Talker to understand a few of the "long term goals" his parents happen to have for him. Be compassionate. Be kind. Be respectful.

Amen.